Vignette Seven

Engagement Chickens and Happy Endings



The Littlest Vampire tore the human limb from limb until he was an unrecognizable pile of bloodless parts. To really get everything you can out of a body, you have to suck on the bits and pieces. It is just as terrible as people sucking the marrow out of soup bones or their spouses. Everything is relative if you think about it. Not a drop spilt. She glanced up towards a window- there was about an hour or so before the dawn- plenty of time.

Recycle. It’s the Law

With the advent of modern technology, body disposal became a bit more complex. As a general rule, vampires were required to dispose of their garbage to avoid a microscope on the whole community. Granted, there were exceptions, many exceptions actually. A vampire was allowed to leave a completely unholy mess of blood and bone to instill fear or settle a score. In a standard feeding, proper corpse disposal was a must. She gathered up his bits and looked for a trash bag. Cleanup was minimal. It really wasn’t like the movies at all. The Littlest Vampire was a centuries old pro; she also wasn’t a sloppy eater.

Are You Training for the Olympics?

The creatures of the Undead weren’t a bad sort. They had morals and respect for the world and other shit like that. Corpse disposal of the last dinner partner was a requirement, burial was not. Burial is a touchy subject in the general community. Certain authorities would say the majority of those who become Undead were never truly human to begin with. They were marked before the human birth by the hand of Pre-Destiny (Destiny’s Type A overachieving cousin). These souls all deserved a spot in the happy afterlife but due to an unresolved trauma or final lesson, these otherwise perfectly angelic creatures were somehow separated from the line to heaven. Apparently the lesson was one so deep it could not be fulfilled in a reincarnated mortal life. So the “powers in charge” blessed this motley crew with otherworldly talents and gifts to aid them in the great trip upstairs. And it is not that they meant to be perfect killing machine as the humans thought they were. The feeding habits were strictly to eliminate everyday nonsense and focus on the task at hand. Sharks, similarly misunderstood, are the only living species that is allowed entry to the Undead’s Union. But I digress…..

Shooting Stars

The common thread between every other-worldly creature, the Littlest Vampire included, was none of them had a proper burial. Any witness to the “DD” (the great double death) knows that the body goes poof and disintegrates into dust that crumbles, exiting stage left in a cloud of ash. So, because the Council wanted to remain sensitive to individual beliefs, there was no rule about burial. When LV didn’t care for the personality, she most certainly didn’t care for the corpse. She flew some thousand feet up with the trash bag until the atmosphere caused it to combust. No evidence, no witness, and it’s a better show than Independence Day Fireworks.

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