Vignette Three

Make them Wait... Keeps them Hungry

It was less about spotting a meal and more about human mating behaviors. Being older than the city itself, LV recognized that there were very few constants in life but the ones that did remain were worth keeping. Hundreds of years ago, her mother taught her that a lady never moves, “let them come to you”. Despite her ability to walk up to anyone and mind-fuck them into their own slow death, she preferred to let it happen the old fashioned way. It felt more honest. It also doubled as a public service.

Douchebags, the Not-Endangered Species.

LV made her way to the dance floor. In less than 5 minutes, she felt something on her leg. There he was, humping away like an unneutered Chihuahua. There is no introducing the victim or a “Hi, what’s your name?” This is not a typo. No missing sentences. This is the current acceptable interaction between men, women and all possible combinations of the two. Then boom, just like that, the dance floor suddenly parted down the middle, leaving him on one side and LV safely on the other, far from the clutches of his penis.

Is this a Rap Battle or a Dance Off?

The crowd repositioned itself in a circle. In its center, the humans took alternate turns exhibiting hot dance moves. Most were quite amazing. It was Chelsea. They were Gay. And it was awesome. LV loved watching them dance. It was obvious by their incredible talent and the hipster attire (too poor to afford matching pants) that they were professionals. The Littlest Vampire spared them. It was her undead contribution to the arts. At the other end of the spectrum were those that sucked. In this category were the tourists, drunks and investment bankers mumbling the lyrics.

It is Not a Stereotype if It is True.

LV chose dinner from the latter. If they were out late clubbing on a weeknight, odds were nobody would miss them too soon. When grocery shopping, one must feel around for the firmest piece. If it smells, it is probably not fresh. Pesticides and hormones are best avoided. The same applies in picking out a human. The funny thing was, the humans were just as guilty, if not more, of being predatory. LV needed blood to survive; that was the deal. Who knows what sorts of agendas the humans had.

You Peaked In High School Didn’t You.

Even the most drunken male will always seek the presence of a woman out of his league. The Littlest Vampire was by all appearances, a tiny creature. Granted, there were moments in history when she wished to be less pint sized, but for the most part, her look never went out of style. LV let the laws of physics take control of the situation. She headed to the bar and took 30% of the crowd with her. Before she could even get to the bartender, hands reached out from the darkness to grab at her. To her, this approach was no different than getting peed on. She hated him already.

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