Vignette Ten

Irish Catholics…Sicilian Widows…Fear of Commitment?



The Littlest Vampire was borderline depressed. It wasn’t entirely the fault of her blundering, babbling human neighbor; it was 99.99% his fault. It was just her luck that she missed the opportunity to meet someone new. Living as long as she had, LV knew the majority of Vampires worth knowing. And though many were wonderful friends, she still had yet to meet anyone with true potential. Companionship was an incredibly difficult thing to come by when the possibility of “forever” was a genuine fear. It was so easy for the humans, LV thought to herself. An image of her dear friend Elizabeth came to mind. Elizabeth was forever in love with being in love…she had a separate closet for all her wedding dresses; her collection of jewelry as gifts from the unions wasn’t half bad either. It didn’t work that way for Vampires. Forever meant forever; the only way to null and void the union meant someone was going out in a box.

Zero to Sixty in Under Two Seconds

The Human kept talking….and talking….and talking. The Littlest Vampire paid attention to fuck nothing- not his name, not his job, not his hobbies. All she knew with certainty was he lived at 113 and according to Coop Rules, was un-eatable. That made LV sad. “Did you have dinner yet?” he asked. That snapped LV back to reality. She was torn between depression and rage. Was this fool the best she could do, and how dare he be off limits to snack on. She heard his offer clearly, she just needed to get away from him before something stupid happened. “Huh, sorry, can’t hear you, so loud out here. I’m going to go back upstairs. Nice meeting you!”

Is that a Unicorn?

The Human turned back to look at her and she was gone. LV moved so fast it was as if she vanished into thin air. She opened the front door to 113 and greeted Neil, the old night doorman. LV became fond of Neil in a relatively short period of time. Once in a blue, a human was born with a good heart. They didn’t mean any harm, nor were they nice only when it benefited their interests. They were nice because it was their nature, simple as that. It was more likely to come across a Mozart or a Jesus or a Unicorn before finding a human like that. Neil happened to be one of those unicorns; he kept everyone and their secrets, never asking a thing in return. And while LV completely tuned out her chatty neighbor, she made sure to give Neil the friendliest “Good Evening” she had.

The Last 10 LBS.

The Littlest Vampire took the elevator to her floor. She was overwhelmed not only by the past hour’s events, but the emotions that tagged along. LV was excited that there was another vampire in the area; she was sad that “Circumstance” blocked their chance to meet; she was aggravated that she couldn’t eat that baboon neighbor of hers. But mostly, she felt insecure as most women do when not approached by a man of their dreams. And like every other good woman before her on the hunt for a companion…LV decided to go on a diet.

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